The Chaos Journals

I don't know what to think about anything, except what I think about everything.From a fragment, February 22, 2021

I started writing songs in February 2021, about a year into the pandemic, in a OneNote notebook that's still the only place most of them live. Thirty-eight songs and pieces of songs came that first year, most of them between February and July. After that it slowed: eighteen in 2022, thirteen in 2023, one in 2024, a handful in 2025. Some I recorded and put on SoundCloud, where my bio still sets expectations correctly: “Just a computer nerd taking an interest in songwriting. Don't really know anything about music so if you want to listen to someone totally wing it, welcome home!”

Two weeks in, I wrote down an idea for an album:

The chaos journals. An album examining all of the aspects of life that contribute to the inescapable sense of chaos and helplessness at the will of the universe.Notebook, March 5, 2021, riffing on Frank O'Hara's Meditations in an Emergency

Underneath it was a list of song themes: God or a higher power, the irony of love causing pain, and “the song about how confounding inflation is.” Reading the notebook back now, a lot of it turned out to be that album anyway. Here are the songs that fit, arranged by the themes on that list, plus two it didn't anticipate: the world outside, and working from home.

I. Money“How confounding inflation is”

“Where will all the money go / raining out a fire hose / Where, where, where will the money go / overflowing like Cheerios.” A fragment, September 2022.

II. The worldEverything, everywhere

III. Love“The irony of love causing pain”

IV. HomeWorking from home

V. The universe“God, a higher power”

“Everything's a lie, especially that first line, imaginary theories of everything, inside of our heads.” A fragment, May 2023.

Since thenOccasional flirtations

The pandemic ended and the notebook went quiet, but not silent. A few fragments from the years since:

“The clock runs thin like a life in the wind / Or a story with no end in sight / A voyage without a friend.” November 2023.

“The California sunshine is a known carcinogen, I've heard they're gonna put a warning on the sky.” March 2025.

“This is a song that sounds familiar / Maybe I'm just a musical chameleon / Or maybe it's a loop owned by millions / Either way, I think we should get to know each other.” May 2025.